436 Episode 73 Part 6
Thursday. Week 2. Month 3. Year 1. Season: Winter.
[Satovian Universal Calendar: Domino, 46389]
[School: Winter Break. Day 20 of 30.]
[Current declared fiancée(s): Melody, Alice, Tear, Harumi, Chika, Natalia, Kitome, Yuki, Tessa, Ruri.]
[Expecting: Harumi, Alice, Kitome. Time left: Harumi, kitsune- 5 months till due. Alice, half-demoness, half-angel: 5 months till due. Kitome, human: 9.3 months. Kitome: week 2, day 5. Harumi: week 4, day 1. Alice: week 3, day 5.]
[Estimated time remaining until Punishment Squad arrives: 1 day, unknown hours.]
There was a weight pressed against the young man as he felt his sleep come to a conclusion. Before he'd address it, Clyde would check out the ID store first. Maybe he'd find something to help fight off the Punishment Squad, maybe obliterate them all together.
[Items available: Mother Nature's bra (789 quadrillion. Possible death sentence), Mother Nature's panties (911QD and possible death sentence), Super Mega Awesome Death Staff of Absolute Madness and World Destruction for those fabulous villains! (120 trillion), Booty Buster's Futa-summoning whistle (23B), Giggling Degenerate Loli Harem Whistle (SWAT, FBI, The Look ), Book of Tentacles (450M), EXP Boosting Necklace (20M) Mom's Spaghetti (999T), Map to the island of the Dragon Slayer temple (670M), Anime titties the VR experience in 120K definition (345QD), Book of Galactic Storms (3B)]
The list at first looked like a plethora of options, possibly unlocked by being a "player" for a predetermined amount of time. On a closer inspection, the prices of the incredibly ridiculous items, one which included a freaking Mom's Spaghetti reference for some reason, were astronomical.
System well the hell, explain this please, he thought. How was he supposed to buy anything? Why would he? Also, Mother Nature was a person? That blew the young man's mind. She'd probably explode a volcano underneath him if he purchased her bra or panties. Venus's underwear were listed once before—could it be the system labeled them as incredibly powerful beings, important enough to be listed on these special menus?
The young man looked at the only two available items, being short of a billion for the Book of Galactic Storms. EXP Boosting Necklace for twenty million sounded like it'd be one hell of an item at first. But twenty million for a "player" was about a month or so of grinding boss monsters, quests, and or raids. That possibly meant that it gave a miniscule increase of five to ten percent, just like the games. Then again, his only choice was a map. Fuck that—he wasn't interested in paying that much for some temple that may or may not still be there.
The young man gave just a humorous and brief consideration for the Book of Tentacles, but knowing it could easily go wrong shut away that idea.
System, these choices suck, Clyde thought.
[System notice. Complaining is for the weak. One must Get Good to achieve success.]
Clyde's eyes widened. Did the system just fucking tell him to "get gud?" He supposed it didn't sting as much as it could've if the system actually decided to misspell good, adding the full condescension back into that.
[System offer... Item randomization triggered. Ki Book: White Ki skill. Super Say—Offer canceled by being of higher power. Message pertaining to the ID store: Take it or leave it.]
System, the items suck, Clyde thought. Listen higher power being, whatever, if you don't give me something good, I'll just quit. Refuse to continue the stone-viper games.
Nothing happened for a minute, driving the young man's patience.
[System offer. Go Fuck Yourself Ring. Item value: shit. Do you accept the offer?]
[System offer. Paper Bag of Fresh Dog Turds. Item value: shit. Literally. Do you accept the offer? No additional offer will be made.]
If Clyde wasn't laying down with his eyes closed, he would've anime-fell to the side. His patience got the better of him and he ended up closing the offer window to purchase the Book of Tentacles.
Four hundred fifty million dollars just to spite the system.
[#$#$%$@# System error $#$#$# System crash. Reboot. Error 69. Congratulations, You have purchased the Book of Blatant Darkest Sorrows. Item value: incredibly valuable, sought after by dark deities. Item class: *Dark Legendary, incredibly bizarre. You can feel the waves of the most foul fucking evil aura pouring off this book. Using it will unlock the evil magic line. Think carefully before using this. It may require a sexual ritual to activate.]
[Purchased for 500M]
No wait, what the fuck, Clyde thought, but it was too late.
[Thank you for using the ID store.]
The system would rather give him a book from hell than let him learn the art of tentacles. Why'd they offer it for sale? Sheesh.
Clyde finally opened his eyes to check out the weight on him. Neko… playing with a ball of yarn. Her sister Ako, seated seiza style on the floor, seemed to be meditating…and patiently waiting for him to wake up. Next to her sat Chesire, seemingly nervous and fidgety.
"Good morn—nya," Neko said, squeezing her breasts against the young man. Smiling mischievously, the catgirl grinded against Clyde's erected mountain. And because she was in a skirt, the young man felt her soft and warmness. "Nya, Ako wants to lecture you in her samurai ways." She said samurai ways mockingly. "She's making me come along, accusing me of not properly doing my job as an Observer. Nya, some nerve with her bold accusations."
"Then prove me wrong, nya," Ako said. "At the very least, you should be present to witness his improvements. This lecture may apply to you just as much as him."
"Nya, why am I here?" Chesire said.
The young man turned to the side to see Arisa…Tessa snuggled into him on his left, Alice on his right, also asleep. Harumi next to her with Natalia snuggled into her. Chika was at the desk, her head down, softly snoring. Someone laid a blanket over her shoulder at some point.
Tear, Kitome, Ruri, Yuki, and Melody were out. His succubus whispered to him around five in the morning about her, Chizuru, and Tetra wrapping up the interrogation of the crusader researcher.
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"Let's go eat first," Clyde said. "Then we'll worry about lectures and training afterward. No scratch that, every idea's going on the table. We've got a day left."
"Nya, I want to sleep." Neko crawled into the covers with Clyde, laying her head on his chest. What seemed innocent was an entirely different story as she pulled the young man's tower into her, squeezing tightly, her breathing becoming husky. "Nyaa, just a few minutes of sleep."
Clyde held back the grunt.
"Neko, what are you doing?" Ako said.
"Nyaa, my nostrils detect a…different scent," Chesire said.
"Nya, no idea what you're talking about," Neko said as she continued a slow rock.
The young man realized that if Tessa woke up to this, things would be pretty fucking awkward. Was Ako oblivious to the scent of sex? That didn't matter at this moment. "Nyyaaa, I won't let you get away," the catgirl whispered, speeding up her movement. Oh shit—he had to think of something fast.
He kissed Neko, catching the catgirl completely off guard. Eyes swirling, she blushed heavily.
"Wha—wha-wha-what is going on?" Ako stuttered, blushing furiously. "That kind of indecency."
[Neko has fallen head over heels in love with you.]
Ako frantically pulled her sister off.
"Please forgive her Lord Stone, nyyyaaa. You know how she is. She—"
"Calm down, Ako, it's cool," Clyde said. "I like her. Maybe even love her."
"Yo—you love her? But no one's ever loved an Observer," Ako said, seeming to be genuinely worried. Her kuudere calmness was nearly gone.
Tessa, Alice, Harumi, Natalia, and Chika were awake now, staring, some confusion in their eyes. The young man shook the catgirl, poking her cheeks a few times.
"Nyyaa nya—" she froze upon noticing all eyes on her. "Nya is there something on my face."
"You need discipline," Ako said, puffing her cheeks into a pout.
"Holy shit was that emotion?" Clyde said. "Anyway, Neko's mine for a bit. Cut her a break this time, okay?" He manifested a feather stick and waved it in front of the samurai catgirl. At first, her stare was Toru-style blank, then suddenly, like a happy child, she swatted at the feather. More than once in fact. She was rather excited and curious, her tail standing almost straight up.
"Nyya, nya, nya---" Ako froze, making eye contact with Harumi, her partner-in-levelheadedness, and blushed furiously. "Sorry!" She rushed out of the room.
"The hell's with her?" Kitome said as she walked into the room. She lazily tossed her shoes to the side and snuggled underneath the covers with Clyde. A drop of sweat fell off the back of the young man's head. Tessa sighed.
"I'll start the bath water," she said to Clyde. "You'd better join me." She looked at Kitome. "You continue to grow cuter and cuter, despite hiding behind your tsundere."
"I'm not a tsundere," Kitome said, blushing. She buried her face into Clyde's chest. "You sure are…energetic this morning."
Tessa pulled Clyde out of the bed, shoving a toothbrush into his mouth. Alice's toothpaste filled him with glee.
"Up now, horndog," Tessa said. "I'll paper fan you if you let Yuki's breakfast get cold."
Yuki happened to walk in at that time, sitting Clyde's freshly ironed clothes onto the dresser.
"Good morning," Clyde said to her. The kuudere demoness smiled, walking over to him.
"Good morning," she said, planting a kiss right over Kitome. The magical girl poked one of Yuki's breasts.
"How did life end up dealing you a better hand?" Kitome said.
"Nyaaaa, everyone's so horny," Neko said as she made a getaway, not without giving Clyde a backward look. There were mischievousness in those eyes.
The young man considered just throwing everything to the wind and shoving his wood into Yuki, but Natalia's voice shocked him back into reality.
"Pervy husbando onii, carry me to the bathroom," Natalia said while snuggling her face into Harumi's chest.
"I'm going to take that as my cue to get moving," Clyde said. "I need to find Kanako."
"Kanako's out," Kitome said. She sat up. "She should be back in an hour or so."
Clyde caught the glimpse of Neko staring at him from around a corner. With yet another sigh, he continued into the bathroom to handle morning activities.
Lot City, Yaponiya…
Dark muttered choice words to himself as he set off to buy things for Selkie like an errand boy, the leftover burn of the Alethian pepper sauce gliding on his tongue. Normally, he'd tell her to go fuck herself, the great lord of the dark does not serve anyone, but the green-haired witch currently held hostage the Loli Saga manga he accidentally left out the previous night. She cursed it with a spell that prevented him from warping it back to his inventory.
The one thing he could do was make her wait. Hopefully her patience would continue to run thin then ignoring her calls would become fun. A little revenge for the great lord of the dark—why not?
He explored downtown a bit and a few manga stores. Ming Chew was a lucky discover—a talented manga author that he would never have found if he remained in his old life of torment. Now with the special powers that he knew he always had, Dark dropped his old name and evolved, shedding his worries. He'd aim for greatness, even if his luck seemed to work against him in this world.
Abruptly, the young man caught sight of two familiar people. Lilith and Kanako.
"Come on, lunch is my treat," Lilith said. "I heard from the grapevine that you always wanted to eat here. Besides, I want to present you with a sweet surprise. I think you'll really like it."
Kanako appeared to be reluctant at first, then after some thought, entered the restaurant with the Supreme demon lord. Even though the genie girl could simply turn into spirit form and get out of there in an instant, Dark still followed, curious about what that lousy succubus was up to. He wasn't sure if Kanako swung in the other direction, not that that mattered. If she got the genie girl into a compromising place, it'd most likely not be of consent. Then again, Lilith hadn't shown any signs of that behavior—she flaunted her succubus traits, but nothing behind that. It wasn't like her own influence or whatever could control her.
It was monster girls that couldn't handle raw succubus energy, thus their lust took over and they took it out on the succubus's favorite prey: human male.
Dark still didn't trust Lilith, how could he really, this wasn't a time to be naïve, but she didn't seem too bad of a person. At least for now.
He glanced at Selkie's angry text. She wanted to talk about the Punishment Squad. Dark groaned. Why did he have to get involved with them?